Archive for the 'for ***** and country' Category

God Save the Republic

I know everybody has been wondering, so here you go:

Silly hats make me more republican

I am ze Fascinator!  I have been sent from ze future to wear stupid hats.

stupid hat, canadian style

So apparently Kate changed outfits five times in 24 hours.  Now this is pure speculation but the only reason I can think of to change your clothes that often is if you poop your pants.  Now if it’s true that our little Katie has continence issues then maybe she should have stayed home.  Which I assume is Cambridge.  I mean that would be ridiculous to have a title and not actually live in that place.  You know, that must be dreadfully inconvenient for Chuck and Camilla, what with the former living in Wales and the latter across the water in Cornwall.

Now I realize this is all very childish and petty but I don’t haven any other options.  By their very nature, royalists are immune to logic.  I’ve tried.  They just continue to swoon over the celebrity of these unemployed individuals.  So maybe if I can convince people that she poops her pants (which still makes sense even if she’s wearing a dress due to the dual meaning of the word “pants”) then maybe they’ll find her less alluring.  But with my luck it will just make her “earthy.”

Of course I’m being facetious and there are other explanations for Kate’s frequent wardrobe changes.  Like maybe she peed her pants.  Or maybe she’s a sloppy eater.  I bet they had her eating some stereotypically Canadian food and we all know how sticky maple syrup can be.

What Happened to Queen Elizabeth I of Canada?

When King James VI of Scotland ascended to the throne of England he dropped his regnal number for his new title becoming simply “James of England.”  This is because England, unlike Scotland had had no previous rulers named James and it made explicit that, despite being in a personal union, England and Scotland were still very much independent kingdoms.

Similarly, Eric of Pomeria possessed three separate titles: Eirik III of Norway, Erik VII of Denmark and Erik (XIII) of Sweden.  Although the Scandinavian kingdoms came under a variety of different personal unions, they always remained independent, at least on paper.

Now on July 8, 1821, a man whom I’ll call George Augustus Frederick Hanover was crowned George IV of the United Kingdom despite the fact that he was only the UK’s second monarch.  Now obviously math was not a strong subject for whoever was in charge of these things.  Perhaps it was George himself, or maybe the Archbishop of Canterbury, I don’t know but it is an error that persists to this day.

It’s true his father had already taken the title George III of the UK, but it’s well known that George III was a few bricks short of a load so we’ll let him off the hook for that one.  But our current reigning monarch, Elizabeth II is certainly of sound mind, so maybe just noone has told her there weren’t any previous queens named Elizabeth (actually…).

I can tell you with absolute certainly there was never a Queen Elizabeth I of Papua New Guinea. The only way the name “Elizabeth II” would make sense is if she was Queen of England or Empress of Russia.  But I know for a fact that the Kingdom of England ceased to exist in 1707 and modern England has yet to be given devolved government like the other countries in the UK.  Likewise, I’m pretty sure Vladimir Putin is the reigning Tsar of Russia.

A foreign monarch has landed on our shores

In welcoming Elizabeth II, Queen of Saint Vincent and the Grenadines (incidentally also the name of my favourite doo wop group), prime minister Stephen Harper made the interesting claim that the queen had visited Canada more times than any other Commonwealth country.  Now the key words here are “visited,” “more times” and “Commonwealth country.”  So let’s review a couple facts:

  • There are 54 Commonwealth countries, 16 of which have Elizabeth II as there head of state
  • The United Kingdom (UK) is most definitely a Commonwealth country
  • The reigning Duke of Normandy has travelled to and spent far more time in the UK than in Canada
  • One does not visit one’s home but rather returns to it after visiting other places

In order for Mr. Harper’s comments to be true the UK must be considered the home of the former queen of Pakistan and thus not a place she can “visit.”  In turn since she does “visit” Canada then this country must not be considered her home.  Therefore, Elizabeth II, Paramount Chief of Fiji is indeed a foreign monarch.

All that being said, the Lord of Mann does speak fluent French so I’ll give her kudos for that.

Happy Dominion Day!

Dominion Day, or as it’s known now, Canada Day. The name was changed in 1982 after the patriation of the constitution. I guess they figured that we were no longer being dominated by a foreign government. But we are still bound by the fetters of a foreign monarch. Sure, she has no power, at least not in the traditional sense. But what our queen (or “Her Majesty the deposed Queen of Fiji” as I like to call her) is is an impediment to our development as a sovereign nation.

Our monarchy was once an important symbol and reminder of that which separated us from the republicans to the south. It was a beacon of freedom carried by our troops in foreign wars; wars that we did not enter out of necessity but out of duty to king and country. But not anymore. It has now become a relic of days gone by and a memory of a once mighty but now dormant empire. It embodies an age of brutal colonialism and the unsuccessful attempt to cleanse British North America of its French and indiginous populations.

“Our” queen she is not. Legally, yes, but not at heart. Upon seeing a picture of Elizabeth II, how many people do you think say, “oh that’s the Queen of New Zealand” or “hey, wasn’t she was Queen of Pakistan in the 1950s?” No, she is regarded as being a British queen. In fact, I’ve often heard her referred to as the “Queen of England,” a position that hasn’t existed for over 300 years. But the confusion is understandable. Just look at her name: Elizabeth II. There has never been an Elizabeth I of Saint Kitts and Nevis nor of Tuvalu nor even of Scotland. Hell, there technically has never been an Elizabeth I of the United Kingdom. Only of England, where she lives and rarely leaves. A symbol of all that is Canadian she is not.

We must rid ourselves of this antique once and for all.