Shaking Off

It can be easy to forget that “Lisbon” is the name of a city in Portugal.  It’s the capital city, in fact.  However, it’s now become short hand for the treaty that was signed there in December of ‘07.  The Treaty of Lisbon, of course, is the comprehensive reform package designed to make the European Union run more smoothly, clearly and democratically.  The treaty itself is a 272 page beast, the PDF of which can be downloaded here (if you have far too much time on your hands you can check out what the Rome and Maastricht Treaties will look like as amended by Lisbon, a 329 page document).  What it all boils down to is that these are complex and confusing documents meant to be dealt with my politicians.  If the citizenry had the time and energy to understand everything about governance we wouldn’t need representative democracy.  MOST European states agree with this model.  Ireland, not so much.

Due to having an extremely rigid constitution the polls on the Emerald Isle are set to open in under an hour.  They rejected it last time they voted on it but it took them two tries to ratify the Treaty of Nice, too.  Maybe next EU treaty the Irish government should just set forth dates for two referendums right from the get-go.  I sure hope they vote yes.  Dear Lord in Heaven I really hope they vote yes.  They’re lucky they have such a wonderful institution like the EU* and they shouldn’t take it for granted.  It’s just that the “No” campaign has been particularly effective with its lies helpful information propaganda lies.  Like the one about how Lisbon is going to legalize abortion in Ireland, that’s particularly LOLable (the illegality of abortion in Ireland is constitutionally enshrined).

So I’ve been surfing about lisbontreaty2009.ie, which is both informative and entertaining.  But informative is boring.  Upon arriving at the website, the welcome lady, err, welcomes us and we begin our journey.  We’ll be seeing more of her later.  Oh, also in English.  The site is mostly informative but I keep getting distracted by this scary old guy.  I am informed the treaty would not affect Ireland’s neutrality policy.  Which is pity because that’s the one real black mark that country has.

On to the movies! The welcome lady makes a comeback along with a strapping young shamrock with a terrible haircut.  Incidentally, the designers must have decided that Qualified Majority Voting and “The European Council” are more risqué issues because our man let’s his chest hair peak out while the lady displays some cleavage.  These movies are all available in Irish as well which makes these two actors notable as being the only people on the entire island who can actually speak Irish.

In the event the referendum does pass, Polish president Lech Kaczyński needs to get his act together and sign and deposit the Polish bill and then we watch with deep anxiety and hope that the legal challenge brought forward by Czech president Václav Klaus and some uppity senators is finished with before the next UK general election at which point David Cameron has promised to hold a referendum on the issue.  Gordon Brown, you’re still good for something.

* For the record, it would never work in the Americas.  We’d disagree with the US over capital punishment and with Latin America over abortion.

I have come to debunk one of history’s longest standing urban legends:

The faucets in Russia do NOT in fact spout vodka but just plain old water. You heard it here first.

Sorry, General Ripper:

Although it’s still possible that this change happened post-1991.

I first became interesting in the subject of whaling when I ate whale (admittedly, quite tasty) in Akureyri, Iceland. The Lonely Planet guidebook took a decidedly anti-whaling stance and not without good reason: whale watching is actually a much more profitable industry than whaling and unsurprisingly the two are somewhat mutually exclusive.

Whaling is one of those things we’re just instinctively opposed to without knowing why. The “I love the animals” argument doesn’t hold water because considering the amount of fish whales eat you actually save lives by killing them. The endangered species argument is valid but misleading. And finally the argument that whales are uniquely intelligent creatures is not backed up by any real science with the possible exception of the sperm whale which nobody hunts anymore. Dolphin hunting (dolphining?) is related but not the same.

Back to the endangered argument: “whales” is a very broad term that envelopes dozens of different species, many of which are not endangered in the least. Of the whale species that are endangered probably the most famous are the blue whale and the right whale. Nobody hunts these species anymore. Not even Japan, and that’s saying something.

Enter the International Whaling Comission (IWC), a well-intentioned but emasculated body. In 1986 the IWC voted to impose moratorium on commercial whaling. However, not being a formal treaty organization this is all non-binding. The chief whaling states–Japan, Iceland and Norway–have largely ignored the moratorium. Canada’s response was the most hilarious: we just simply left the organization.

Japan is the strongest defender of whaling on the IWC, its anti-whaling counterpart has been the United States. Both have been accused of using trade or other outside influence to buy votes within the organization.

This is getting too long, which means there will inevitably be a part two.

The tricolour is an old flag design that has been widely copied the world over. The prototypical examples are those of the Netherlands (horizontal) and France (vertical).

Now it comes as a surprise to me that noone has thought of creating the Neapolitan ice cream flag. I mean, I’m sure somebody, somewhere has at least pondered this concept but in searching the Internet I wasn’t able to find anything. And thus it goes without saying that the flag of Naples unfortunately does not resemble Neapolitan ice cream.

So without further ado, here it is:

The idea first came to be when I was looking at the Newfoundland tricolour, which had already been an inspiration for the Irish flag.

Dominion Day, or as it’s known now, Canada Day. The name was changed in 1982 after the patriation of the constitution. I guess they figured that we were no longer being dominated by a foreign government. But we are still bound by the fetters of a foreign monarch. Sure, she has no power, at least not in the traditional sense. But what our queen (or “Her Majesty the deposed Queen of Fiji” as I like to call her) is is an impediment to our development as a sovereign nation.

Our monarchy was once an important symbol and reminder of that which separated us from the republicans to the south. It was a beacon of freedom carried by our troops in foreign wars; wars that we did not enter out of necessity but out of duty to king and country. But not anymore. It has now become a relic of days gone by and a memory of a once mighty but now dormant empire. It embodies an age of brutal colonialism and the unsuccessful attempt to cleanse British North America of its French and indiginous populations.

“Our” queen she is not. Legally, yes, but not at heart. Upon seeing a picture of Elizabeth II, how many people do you think say, “oh that’s the Queen of New Zealand” or “hey, wasn’t she was Queen of Pakistan in the 1950s?” No, she is regarded as being a British queen. In fact, I’ve often heard her referred to as the “Queen of England,” a position that hasn’t existed for over 300 years. But the confusion is understandable. Just look at her name: Elizabeth II. There has never been an Elizabeth I of Saint Kitts and Nevis nor of Tuvalu nor even of Scotland. Hell, there technically has never been an Elizabeth I of the United Kingdom. Only of England, where she lives and rarely leaves. A symbol of all that is Canadian she is not.

We must rid ourselves of this antique once and for all.

The news keeps talking about some coup d’état in Honduras and it’s really pissing me off.

In my mind, a coup usually goes something like this: a small group (often military) unilaterally seizes power, revokes the constitution, bans all political parties and, following a show trial, executes the former leader.

A coup is not when the military, with the full support of congress and the supreme court, removes one elected official from power and flies him to safety in a neighbouring country. I call that an excessively forceful impeachment. That doesn’t make it right, though, it just makes it not a coup. Oh and the new interim president, he’s from the same party as the old one, the Liberal Party. And the legislature that wanted the Zelaya out? Controlled by the Liberal Party.

I don’t know what the point is, but here’s a third bit on Iran. I’m really pessimistic about the chances of a positive outcome, but I guess anything could happen.

Props to Mousavi for refusing to back down, but he needs to do more. Even if he’s not backing down, some of his supporters are. They’re tired and afraid for their safety. Mousavi needs to step up and start appearing at these rallies… Khatami too, and even Rafsanjani. It’s true he’ll be risking life and limb but being the kind of figure he is, the Sword of Damocles is nothing new. When his supporters see that he is willing to be out there, it’ll be the best recruitment tool ever. In fact, and I know this will sound insensitive, but if Mousavi were to be arrest or, God forbid, killed, the outrage stemming from this would be of revolutionary proportions.

A more thing. Rafsanjani may appear to be somewhat of an ally now, but at heart he’s still a conservative. He’s also got his eyes on the position of Supreme Leader. The man who should be Supreme Leader, Hossein Ali Montazeri, is currently under house arrest. Maybe they should spring him loose. Montazeri was being groomed as Khomeini’s successor when he had to go and speak up against the mass executions of political prisoners in 1988. The nerve! In hindsight, had he known Khomeini would be dead within a year he could have just buckled down and waited it out.

P.S. I suppose I should say something about MJ. Great singer, weird guy.
I’ve always liked this song for obvious reasons:

Scenario 1: The election results are legit and Ahmedinejad has won by a landslide.

We have a country full of crazies and in several years they’ll have nuclear weapons. Oh shit, Israel already has nukes and the finger on the button belongs to Binyamin Netanyahu.

Scenario 2: The election was rigged, the results are fraudulent.

It’s back to the 1980s for Iran. The opposition will be rounded up (some already have been) and dissent will be silenced. Sounds about time for another revolution. Let’s be proactive and evacuate the embassies now.

Contrary to what many think, the Islamic Republic of Iran is indeed a democracy. It has multiple political parties which field candidates in relatively free elections. Which is more than can be said for Cuba, a country the loony left has no short supply of love for. However, it is an illiberal democracy: all candidates, presidential or parliamentary, must be pre-approved by the unelected Guardian Council. Also, when in power, there’s no guarantee you can actually achieve what you planned, especially if your ideas are contrary to those of the religious elite.

So, democratic? Yes. Free? Absolutely not. But the sooner we can get Ahmedinejad out of there, the better off everyone will be. So our greatest, best hope is Mir-Hossein Mousavi. As far as reformers go, he’s relatively conservative. But he firmly believes in the Holocaust. And at the end of the day, a more conservative reformer is less likely to piss off the clergy and therefore less likely to have all his attempts at reform stonewalled à la Khatami.

So while a wind of change might not be sweeping through the Land of the Aryans, let’s hope and pray for at least a light breeze.

I wrote most of this several days ago but the “Moving Forward” and the “The Diaspora” sections were incomplete and I felt they are very necessary so that it doesn’t just look like I’m merely celebrating a military victory.

After the BJP’s humiliating defeat and with Aung Sun Suu Kyi on trial, it’s a relief to finally hear some good news coming out of South Asia: the Liberation Tigers Of Tamil Eelam*, the LTTE, have been officially pwned. Velupillai Prabhakaran, its power-hungry leader for just over 33 years is no more.

Not as flashy as al Qaeda or as deceptive as Hamas, the LTTE were FUCKING BRUTAL in their own special way. Now just to be sure, I am in no way condoning the heavy handedness of the Sri Lankan Army but we must realize that the enemy of my enemy is quite often also my enemy. Stalin kicked some serious Nazi ass but that doesn’t mean I’ll be inviting him to my next birthday party (he died a long time ago anyway). But despite his rhetoric, Prabhakaran cared not about the Tamil people, only power. There may be a fine line between terrorist and freedom fighter but the LTTE were nowhere near it. One little bit of trivia: the LTTE are (one of) the only terrorist organization(s) to ever have an air force.

Beaten but not Forgotten

One of the most enduring legacies of the LTTE will undoubtedly be its brilliant invention. It’s easy to forget that less than two decades ago all suicide bombings were carried out with the aid of some sort of vehicle. But the LTTE changed all that. The explosive belt is a device so simple it’s a wonder somebody else didn’t think of it sooner. But it was the Tigers who unveiled their ingenious invention in 1991 with the assassination of Rajiv Gandhi (no doubt also helping “Gandhi” set the record for most assassinations per surname). From there on the floodgates opened up. Women, children, anybody could be a suicide bomber. All you need are charismatic leaders who don’t have you best interests in mind and a whole lotta ka-blam!

Moving Forward

The ball is in Sri Lanka’s court. With the LTTE out of the way they must quickly reconcile with their Tamil minority. No doubt some just must be served to those guilty of crimes against humanity but a witchhunt is in nobody’s best interest. The government needs to implement devolution to the Northern Province as promised in the Indo-Sri Lanka Accord. At the same time, This needs to be coupled with firm maintainance by the central government that separatism will not be tolerated. Amending the constitution in order to make Sri Lanka a federation would be the best course of action. That way, if in the future an extreme Sinhala nationalist party comes into power they can’t just revoke the devolved authority.

The Diaspora

Now Canada, Toronto especially, has the largest population of Tamils outside of Asia and the largest population of Sri Lankan Tamils outside of Sri Lanka itself. It was only recently that I became aware of the fact that there is a clear distinction between Sri Lankan Tamils and the inhabitants of Tamil Nadu. While the cultures are closely related they have nonetheless been separate societies for many centuries now.

Members of the Sri Lankan diaspora have a duty to lobby foreign governments in the interests of the homeland but I believe they’re doing it all wrong. Mass gatherings with the waving of what appear to be terrorist colours is no way to garner support. In fact, forget about support for the time being and focus on sympathy. Ideally people would just care for the situation of all oppressed people around the world. But this isn’t the case: we have busy lives and only so much love to give. So that’s why you must promote a sort of “Tamilophilia.” For example, during the Greek War of Independence many Europeans were of the mindset of “Fuck yeah! Greeks rule! Plato and Alexander the Great and shit! Awesome!” Looking to a more modern time, the Israeli War of Independence: “Alright man, I LOVE the Jews, they wrote the bible and we’ve been shitting on them for two thousand years!” But if someone is to mention the plight of the Kurds the response is more along the lines of “dude, I love cheese curds.”

Much like Greek, the Tamil language is one of the oldest languages in the world still in use. The Tamils have a rich and prosperous history: people need to be informed about this.

*It’s their proper name, and “Tamil Tigers” sounds more like a baseball team than an international terrorist organization.